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How I Almost Let Fear Self Sabotage Me

Writer's picture: Rachel HuelskRachel Huelsk

Updated: Apr 4, 2023

I had an idea. I wanted to create some online platform. Why online? I don’t know. I’m a pretty private person when it comes to sharing online. However I had this idea and it wouldn’t rest. But I was afraid of what people would think. Which is silly, because I’m not the person to let fear hold me back. Nor do I really care what people think. People can be so critical and judgmental, especially in an online space. But then I realized that I was letting others dictate my path. And no one deserves to have that power over me. So here I am. Showing up.

So how did I get here? Some of you may know about my little t-shirt business Life & Style Designs. (You can read more about how that started here. ) One day I was scrolling through Instagram and this account showed up on my algorithm. I was instantly captivated by the content. I saw a short reel with a smiling face giving a quick tip in a program I was using for my t-shirt business. I quickly scanned through this page and realized it was FULL of content that was just what I needed for my business. I was glued to my phone as I scrolled through this feed the rest of the afternoon. This woman was also offering business tips on growing your business with Instagram. Cliff notes of her tips - I should be providing value to my customers! I did a quick analysis and realized I was not providing any life changing value with my current business model, other than a product I enjoyed creating. So I went down a rabbit hole of what can I offer that can provide value?! I was quickly faced with the thought, who am I to give advice? I’m not an expert at anything! I don’t have knowledge in any department worthy of sharing. I slept on it for a while, racked my brain on what I could possibly do. I did some research and found a lot of information on online business models and strategies.

I knew I wanted to create an online presence, I just wasn’t sure how to go about it. There are a lot of people who go tik tok famous, but I’m not looking for social media fame. I’m looking to create valuable connections and provide value. But in what? I spent sooo much time thinking and brainstorming. What am I good at? What do people want to know? Honestly this was really difficult. I didn’t want to trust myself that I could actually provide value to someone else in any department. I explored so many options in my head, went down paths A-Z. What am I an expert in? And it finally clicked. Motherhood. It’s what I do every single day. I’m comparing myself to people who work corporate jobs and have all this “expert advice” in business related fields and feel that I don’t measure up. But their daily involvement in their job is no different than my daily involvement in mine. Motherhood is my dream job. It’s not a title I’m settling for. I wake up every day and show up for work knowing I’m doing the most important work I’ll ever do in my life. Motherhood is so messy, exhausting, difficult, mentally taxing in a way I didn’t know was possible, physically demanding, emotional, just to name a few. But here I am, doing the dang thing. So how can this provide value to others? I want to share life experiences in hopes that others can find something useful. I want to bring awareness to topics that maybe don’t get enough attention. I want to collaborate with other mamas and have them share stories. I brainstormed some more and came up with Mama Matters. You can learn more here!

I had my idea. That should be enough, right? Nope. I can never do things simply. I wanted more. More sleepless nights thinking and dreaming and I landed on Beautifully Bride. No one knows what they are doing planning a wedding until they’ve done it. And then (hopefully) never need to use that information again. I loved planning my wedding. I’m a type A, detail oriented, list checker offer person. Honestly there is nothing about my wedding I didn’t love. Why can’t I share my experience with other women who want to plan their own wedding but just aren’t sure how or don’t have the time to do all the research themselves? I’m building a course on my A-Z process of planning a wedding. It’s a work in progress and will take some time, but I’m so excited about it! If you’re interested, you can check out my free download I’ve created, here.

I can’t tell you how much time I’ve spent researching, reading articles and books on online business strategy. I’ve woken up in the middle of the night and couldn’t sleep and spent hours reading. I decided I needed my own website. Let’s talk about learning curve! I’m not a web designer, I don’t speak HTML. I don’t know a thing about marketing. I’ve spent countless HOURS reading step by step tutorials on how to accomplish small tasks. There is a reason people get paid to do this stuff!

Here I am. Showing up. It’s not perfect. I have typos, incorrect grammar I’m sure. Web design flops that professionals can laugh at and say this is why you leave it to the professionals. But that’s okay. I don’t boast perfection. I’m just a mama. With an idea. Showing up and hoping you can find some sort of value. And if you are still reading, I applaud you. This was A LOT.

I’d love to have you follow along this journey with me.

Talk soon,

Rachel

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